Talking is a natural social behavior, yet in the desire to be heard, the overzealous “interrupter” may monopolize the conversation.
Before speaking, it is wise to allow that your listeners may not all be on the same page. Many times, one may be excited, or be so eager to add their voice to a group, they butt right into another’s storyline, and may even interrupt several others, several times. Thus, making the gathering essentially about themselves and their opinions.
The courtesy of allowing one to finish a thought before another jumps in is often lacking. In a group of 3 or more, with great ideas, opinions, or inputs, the shy, timed, or polite may choose to observe rather than interrupt, the interrupter. The entire group will have lost equality of sharing that is all-inclusive. The dominant speakers may never realize the interruptions they make, nor how they quickly they may change the subject before another can find space to add to the thought line.
Another view of “before you speak” is the familiar “Circle of Sharing.” An astute observer can often spot the members of the circle who are mindful of what they are going to say, rather than truly listening to what those before them are sharing. Again, much is missed often due to fear, conceit, politeness, or timidity. When we omit the listening, we lose the ability to fully communicate. These behaviors are not necessarily faults; rather, they are common behaviors exhibited by people of all ages who simply want to present themselves and be recognized. Unless reminded now and then, they do not realize their need for attention, may be denying others the opportunity to be included or able to complete an idea, feeling, or suggestion before the interrupter starts a whole new thread.
Breathing is a great relaxer, and you cannot interrupt when you are inhaling. Being aware of the breath often kicks in the ability to still chatter of the mind, become more patient with ourselves, and truly listen to those who wish to share without interruption. The prize for releasing the ‘interrupter’ within, is to hear the full storyline of others, tap into some insights, feelings, and the ability to be all-inclusive. It is also essential to be mindful that the tone with which we speak has a significant bearing upon the strength of the listener to hear the message.
Why are we speaking? What is the energy of the group? Are we angry, hurt, happy, hopeful, sad? What is the tone of the listener, or their ability to hear the message we want to convey? Often the best speakers are those who listen deeply.
Speaking and listening are partners in learning more about ourselves, others, and the planet upon which we find ourselves. Do we listen to the birds, dogs, cats? Can we silence our minds to hear the messages of the wind, the water, the trees, and all the creatures with whom we share this planet? How does our voice fit into the community? Do we hear the unspoken? Can we communicate, even when silent?
Yes, the prompt “Before Speaking” can spark great thoughts, fears, and open the heart and mind to the subtle teaching of sounds. It can remind us of the importance of silence, listening, and when speaking to be aware. Are we adding too or taking from the many with whom we find ourselves? Are we encouraging, blaming, soothing, asking, warning, feeling into the moment, and the diverse ideas around us?
M. Chandler McLay © August 22, 2019